When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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