Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
