Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
