and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
