ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
