it's too hot outside to masturbate.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
