i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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