yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
