I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
