this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
