he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
how drunk are you?
Several
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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