The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
