I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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