Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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