I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
