I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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