Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
