Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
