she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
