Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
