Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
