She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
