YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
