Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
