That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
