I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
