Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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