If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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