She said her name was "party"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
