Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
