if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Less talking, more tequila
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
