Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
