Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Two words: nipple clamps
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