I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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