I'm sorry my penis didn't work
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
