He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
