Well apparently he's into motor boating.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
