Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
