You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
