I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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