every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
