Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
