Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
