great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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