Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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