If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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