Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
