I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
they're like a gay fantastic four
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
