I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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