Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
