Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
