the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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